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There are times when parenthood seems nothing but feeding the mouth that bites you.

H. L. Mencken

The penalty for laughing in a courtroom is six months in jail; if it were not for this penalty, the jury would never hear the evidence.

A paranoid is a man who knows a little of what's going on.

If I could get my membership fee back, I'd resign from the human race.

The final delusion is the belief that one has lost all delusions.

Christopher Isherwood

Life is not so bad if you have plenty of luck, a good physique and not too much imagination.

The only way to reform some people is to chloroform them.

Dorothy Parker

If all these sweet young things were laid end to end, I wouldn't be the slightest bit surprised.

Television is a medium of entertainment which permits millions of people to listen to the same joke at the same time, yet remain lonesome.

Quentin Crisp

Nothing in our culture, not even home computers, is more overrated than the epidermal felicity of two featherless bipeds in desperate congress.